If you do decide to help out an adult child by allowing them to live at home, be sure to set firm guidelines and help them create a plan to get out on their own. And consider these 10 reasons it might be time they move out.

You love your kids, but at a certain point you start to wonder if they are ever going to leave home. Or maybe they left, but circumstances caused them to boomerang back home. Do you help them out? How? And for how long? And what are some reasons to kick your adult children out of the house and cease with your assistance?

Why Do Adult Kids Live at Home or Move Back Home?

Maybe they can’t afford a place of their own or they are going to college. Perhaps they are overwhelmed with student loans or got themselves into a financial bind. Maybe they experienced a break-up or a divorce.

It could be financially savvy for your son or daughter to move back. They have a specific goal like buying a house or even saving up for a new car. They can save money on rent and utilities while building a good foundation for a better future.

How Can You Help Your Child Get Out on Their Own?

Whatever the reason your adult kid has moved back or is still at home, it is time to sit down together and come up with a plan to move forward.

Set a time frame.

First, try to set an agreed upon time frame. Leaving it open-ended may lead to resentments down the road. Even a vague idea is better than nothing. At the very least, set a definite time to re-evaluate like six months or a year.

Set expectations.

Next, decide together what is expected from the child. Different circumstances will dictate the details, but it is better to have set expectations, so the parents don’t feel used and the child doesn’t become that person living in their parents’ basement when they are 40.

Set consequences.

Along with the expectations, set consequences if they aren’t met. You probably don’t want to punish your grown child, but losing certain privileges or having to pay for more would be a reasonable consequence. Hold each other accountable.

Set financial rules.

Decide together how the combined household will deal with finances. This will vary from family to family and depend on circumstances, but as long as everyone is on the same page, it will be easier if it is decided upon right away. Even if your child can’t contribute financially, he or she can help out with household chores or ease the burden of yardwork or running errands.

Write everything down.

Really! Make a copy for each of you, so everything is spelled out. That way, if one of you breaks the rules, the other can hold them accountable. Just letting things slide can lead to major resentments and hurt feelings. Even if you don’t want to be strict or seem “mean” it will help your relationship in the future.

Leaving everything unspoken or not confronting issues can cause a major rift in families. You were only trying to help, but just letting your child mooch off of you indefinitely will only lead to resentment. Even your son or daughter will be hurt in the long run if they don’t learn how to be responsible for themselves.

What Are the Reasons To Kick Your Adult Children Out of the House?

1. They won’t get a job or keep a job. It’s one thing if the job market is tough. It’s another if they simply don’t want to work an available job.
2. They don’t contribute to the household in any way. Your child should contribute financially or by helping out around the house — or both.
3. They have a job but blow every penny they get. You will do your child a favor by encouraging them to become financially responsible.
4. They refuse to make any kind of plan for getting out on their own.
5. They are very difficult to live with. Staying too long can lead to your resentment and possibly damage your relationship.
6. Your child has become too dependent, and you fear they will never learn how to care for themselves.
7. You’ve discovered that enabling them means no incentive to get a better job or better themselves with education.
8. It can teach them how to set and keep financial goals and encourage them to be more responsible with money.
9. It will allow them to become the fully mature adult they are meant to be.
10. Your monthly food and utility bills are considerably higher with them at home. If your child living at home is adding to your expenses to the point you’re struggling financially, something needs to change.

For most parents, it feels pretty good to be able to help your grown children in a time of crisis. Letting them move back home may seem natural, and by setting firm guidelines from the beginning, you can reconnect and grow closer until it is time to consider the reasons to kick your adult children out of the house again.

Related Articles

• Bailing Out Your Adult Kids Financially
• Loaning Money to Adult Children
• Things To Consider Before Helping Adult Children With Housing
• How To Get Your Adult Child and Grandkid to Move Out
• Providing Equal Financial Assistance to Adult Children

Reviewed August 2023

About the Author

Shaunna Privratsky became an expert in personal finance out of necessity. Between writing, reading and gardening, she is always on the lookout for bargains. Please sign up for the free newsletters at The Discount Diva.