Want to avoid money fights as you plan for and navigate retirement? We explore things couples can do to get on the same financial page and minimize and perhaps avoid retirement-related financial conflict.

by Andrea Norris-McKnight

Baby Boomer or Generation X couples approaching and navigating retirement encounter a new landscape of financial decision-making. These periods can be fraught with challenges, revealing gaps in preparedness that might strain even the strongest relationships. The urgency of saving and managing retirement finances can trigger stress and a detrimental “blame game” among couples who find their expectations clashing with reality.

So how can you and your spouse or partner minimize or avoid retirement-related financial conflict?

To help you understand how to navigate the financial shifts of later life without letting them undermine your relationship, we consulted Marlow and Chris Felton, authors of The Prosperity Factor and Couples Money.

Q: As people approach retirement, they’re making more financial decisions than at any time since their 20s. Does this pose any risk for married Boomers and Gen Xers?

Marlow and Chris Felton: Absolutely. Many people find out they are not as prepared for retirement as they thought. This often puts stress on even the best relationships and starts the “blame game.”

Many are forced to make financial decisions they never thought about or planned for. They are more than likely thinking about their finances more now than at any other time in their life, and finding out they are not as prepared as they need to be or, in many cases, not prepared at all.

Related: How Confident Can You Be in Your Retirement Savings?

Q: You emphasize that couples need to communicate. Are there certain financial topics that people closing in on retirement should discuss? And, if so, what are they?

Marlow and Chris Felton: Many people are behind on retirement savings and are looking for additional streams of income. Most are still very active and healthy, so fortunately many are still able to create income. It is important for couples to brainstorm about creating another (or multiple) streams of income, rather than focusing on the lack of retirement savings.

They should also take into consideration their potential to live longer than they expect and that they can potentially have more health related expenses and/or nursing home costs than they expect. They need to be open to finding a solution for this issue, making the conversation about creating multiple streams of income more important.

Q: Often retirees find both their income and expenses are reduced. Is that a potential problem for couples?

Marlow and Chris Felton: It is difficult for most people to live on less money. This can put stress on a relationship when a new budget has not been agreed upon.

We see many couples continue with their old spending patterns in retirement, only to sacrifice their nest egg. This can be more destructive when one spouse is doing more of the spending (which happens a lot!). Resentment and anger can weigh on even the best relationships.

Also, expenses may be reduced initially. However, people are at risk of their expenses going up significantly in their retirement due to inflation, medical or long-term care expenses (or all three!).

Q: What are the main sources of financial conflict for couples?

Marlow and Chris Felton: Spending! Couples argue about spending more than anything usually, complaining about what the other is spending money on. This is why we believe segregating funds as a couple is so important. That way, you have funds earmarked for certain categories and it becomes more evident where money is being overspent. It also creates more accountability.

Q: Are there warning signs that your finances are doing real damage to your marriage?

Marlow and Chris Felton: Yes. They include revenge spending, financial infidelity, hiding purchases, and lying about purchases. Also, when couples are not willing to have a financial conversation, that is a big warning sign. Couples desperately need to be on the same page with their finances, just as they would be on the same page with any other important issue as it relates to their relationship.

Q: Are there any habits or practices that couples with a healthy financial relationship often exhibit?

Marlow and Chris Felton: Healthy relationships are built on trust. The healthiest financial relationships are transparent, share well, and are willing to compromise. They share their wants, desires, goals and dreams and take the other’s needs into consideration when making financial decisions. They are open and honest with each other and communicate on a regular basis about money.

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Reviewed April 2024